>It was just a night. A wild drunken night. I donít understand what heís so pissed about.

 

>Sat at home again. Well no longer. He can be the one to apologise. I see no need to grovel for someone who treats me like shit.

 

>I mean itís not like I did drugs. He didnít tell me to look after her. Itís not my fault she was out of it.

 

>I log onto the social hub. Anger pulse. Relationship status; single. That will show him. I ainít no pussy that will do whatever he wants.

 

>Refresh the page. Red digit appears. Click. I stare long and hard. Is this real? I canít understand this. I feel the heat behind my eyes, pushing, shoving. Freedom. Explosion. Anger and betrayal.

 

>Anger. I am not to be pushed around. Thatíll teach him. Yeah. Take notice. Last chance Herbert, means the very same. Grab a coat and shoes. She comes with me. A dog for a walk around the block and too many cigarettes. Calming and secure. She doesnít deserve what he gave her, and she admits she did wrong. More than he did. The phone rings as we begin to descend the stairs. ďHey gobby. Yeah, weíre through. Heís a knob. He promised me he wasnít going to drink anything and then did; now heís lying about it. Iím so fed up with him to be honest. He lies all the time to get himself outta stuff and I just canít take it, if he wants a real relationship he canít be lying all the time. Youíd think he were the one thatís ďonlyĒ seventeen. Yeah. Yeah I know. No wonder his boyfriends always leave him if thatís the way he acts. Ha! No, heís such a knob. No I donít care. Nah, just going out for a fag babes. Iíll text you later okay? Alright babes. Love you byeĒ I smirk a little. I canít help it. Love sucks.

 

>I donít remember the promise. I donít remember saying I wouldnít drink. I must have done though. I canít think straight. My heart feels empty. Broken. I donít know what to think, or say. Sorry might be a good start. New message.

 

>The first drag after being fucked over. Its ecstasy and we both enjoy it. Weíre good now. Iím not going to go ahead and say sheís less important than him. She ainít. I had my expectations for her and my expectations for him. She never promised nothin. He did and broke it. She lives here; I can make her deal with consequences. He ainít even sorry. Well love, a good boyfriend doesnít do that. Nor a good friend. You gotta treat people right to keep me. Well. Decision final. You lost me.

 

>No reply. Two minutes. Come on, come on Iím dying over here! I lower my head into my hands and let the emotions flow. I canít count how long Iíve been sat here for. It feels like an eternity. Chime. Hope. I look up to the monitor expectantly. False alarm. ďHoney, will you be okay?Ē Piss off. I wanna tell her yes cos I know thatís what I should say. But I canít bring my hands to the keyboard. It hurts too much. Crippling.

 

>A short conversation. A short walk. A few fags and a cute dog. She supports this. I know its right but it doesnít change the fact that I am in love. You treated me like shit. You deserve to squirm. Calming down is made easier with cigarettes.

 

>I look up. I know who to blame. Get me out. Type.

 

>He is not going to start that tune. She isnít the one to break no damn promise. This proves he wasnít the man I thought he was. Anger all over again but she talks me down. Doesnít mean he isnít going to get it in the neck though. Like you wouldnít believe. Take this.

 

>...

 

>I lie awake in bed to cry. I donít give third chances, not on my damn principles. But the pain was my doing and I can change it. I hope. But I donít want to. I donít know what to do.                                  A text from gobby. ďDo what makes you happyĒ. Maybe that is what I have to do. The broken promises swirl. A million and one questions. Oh jeez I have to sleep on this. I told him it was his last chance. I canít go back on my word. Pride. Dignity. You canít take the last of it away from me. I love you.

 

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